Picturesque
by Cuzosu
Summary: Tseng is hiding something, and Reno's determined to find out what. Unfortunately, his recklessness and his job are interfering. M for yaoi-ish-ness and strong language, also a nearly nekkid blond.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but you don't want to know everything I can think up. I'm stranger than people think.

A/N: There are so many mental images in this fic that had Fei laughing at random times... -grin- But what really got us both was...well, that's in the second part, and you'll understand when you read it... Review if you like it, please.

Requirements:  
>1. Cid in underwear<br>2. guy of your choice in a fitting room  
>3. pink fountain pen<p>

Setting: Reno is sure Tseng is hiding something from his fellow TURKs, so he decides to investigate (in his own way) to find out the truth.

WARNING: Part I contains odd humor, swearing, and Reno's antics.

Picturesque: Part I

Reno was thinking. It wasn't something he bothered to do often unless it involved his job as a TURK, so it was starting to piss him off that he couldn't NOT think about it.  
><em>Tseng is Gaia-damned-well hiding something from us.<em>  
>If it were anyone but Reno, they'd probably have shrugged it off or whined to Tseng about it. But Reno knew that Tseng, when cornered about something he was already hiding, became even more reclusive and quiet, often refusing to respond unless it involved work. So talking to him was out of the question.<br>The problem was that Reno couldn't stop being somewhat miffed, a little offended about it. And his mind wouldn't stop trying to figure out how to discover what was being hidden and why.  
>So when he eventually decided on a course likely to succeed, it was typical of him that he began following through immediately. He couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't destress, couldn't focus on unwinding when he wasn't working <em>because Tseng was hiding something!<em>  
>Something had to change. Reno would see to that.<p>

The first thing Reno did was to snoop through Tseng's papers in his desk while the TURK commander was gone for the night. It gave him a massive migraine but no useful information; whatever the issue was, Tseng didn't appear to be keeping it on paper. Then he carefully replaced everything where he'd found it, because Tseng was a perfectionist.  
>Second, he took a chance while Tseng was working and snooped through his home. He found only photos of various TURKs, and one picture of him with Tseng. It had been taken when Reno had first become a TURK, and Tseng had coolly congratulated him, both of them glaring when some inconsiderate asshole snapped a photo and temporarily blinded both of them.<br>Snarling to himself as his eyes flinched at the memory, Reno stormed out of Tseng's house and slammed the door shut behind him, forgetting to lock it. He hadn't found anything that pointed him in any direction, so it was time...time to check with his partner, who noticed more than he let on.

Tseng returned home about the time Reno confronted Rude, discovering to his ire that someone had broken into his house, left his door unlocked, and gone through his things, putting most back into their places but leaving one group of pictures slightly askew. _Reno_, he thought to himself. _No one else is brave-or foolish-enough to break into my house and go through my belongings. I'll have to talk to him tomorrow._  
>Resigned, the TURK commander elegantly shucked his clothing and donned sleepwear. It wasn't the first time Reno'd had the balls to go through his belongings, and, Reno being Reno, it wasn't likely to be the last. But a firm yank on the leash that kept the redhead in line would restrain him from doing so again soon.<br>And Tseng would do just that-first thing in the morning. He was tired, work was done for the night, and all personal and professional paybacks could wait until he'd slept unless Rufus ordered otherwise.  
>The dark-haired Wutaian man grumbled to himself about a certain redhead as he drifted off to sleep.<p>

The day dawned, drawing sparks of ire from Reno. _Fucking Mondays..._  
>Stretching and rising didn't take long, and then the redhead was darting through crowds. Rude had been most unhelpful last night, obviously knowing something but determined not to talk. And when Rude didn't want to talk...well, not even Reno could get him to say anything but swear words.<br>Slim but powerful muscles helped Reno slip past ShinRa security with no problems; he'd bet Elena he could sneak into the building. It wasn't his fault she hadn't believed him. He'd be benevolent and give her a prize even though she lost.  
>Not ten minutes later, he was being glared at by one comrade, stared at in disbelief by another, and Tseng had just called him to his office over the intercom.<br>"Why!" was the only query Elena's confounded mind could manage.  
>"You're a girl, yo! I thought you'd like it!"<br>Rude wasn't surprised in the least when a pink fountain pen rebounded off the redhead's brow. Elena was a TURK, and had a TURK's temper. But Reno had a habit of stepping on peoples' toes.  
>Expression hidden by the hand clamped to his lightly bleeding forehead, Reno protested loudly as Rude chivvied him out the door and into Tseng's office. It just wasn't Reno's day.<br>The door clicked shut quietly, and silence fell. Reno was too preoccupied with thoughts of how to get back at his blond comrade, and didn't seem to realize there was an absence of noise.  
>"Reno," began Tseng, "I suspect you don't have a valid reason for breaking into my residence and searching my belongings last night."<br>In a split second, the redhead remembered that he hadn't been careful upon leaving, nor had he replaced the pictures. _Gaia, Boss-man's prob'ly PISSED_, Reno thought to himself.  
>"Given your silence, it appears I was correct. You are to accompany Rufus today, but you will face punishment appropriate for your actions tonight. Meet me here at eight, Reno...and be aware that if you're late, I will concoct suitable consequences."<br>Dark eyes seemed to gleam as the redhead straightened, a serious expression on his face,* and nodded acknowledgment of the orders. Drifting out on quiet feet, Reno headed for Rufus and his bodyguard shift.

*For once 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See the first part.

A/N: My favorite part, heheheheheheheheh...

WARNING: mature language, Cuzosu's humor, Cid in underwear.

Picturesque: Part II

Rufus scowled as Reno sauntered into his office. "You might consider how your negligence in regards to dress codes reflects on me," chided the blond.  
>"Tch, like how it makes the common people like ya more, yo?" came the redhead's rebuttal.<br>Typical greeting banter aside, the two fell into the rest of their work routine by habit.  
>"We've had an unusual request," Rufus told his TURK. "Get whatever other weapons you feel necessary; we have a meeting in town."<br>Baffled, Reno obeyed. _Who would Rufus agree to meet somewhere other than ShinRa headquarters, and where exactly are we going?_  
>"One more thing. Tseng sent Elena ahead. He has paperwork to look over, and he said something about making sure Rude doesn't kill any trainees since you're not there to be the temperamental one." This was understood to mean that when Reno was around, the bald man was in the habit of playing peacemaker between redhead and trainees.<br>Reno rolled his eyes. _Great. Tseng should know better than anyone that the TURKlet* and I get along about as well as I do with Cid Highwind and Barret Wallace...and, for that matter, Yuffie Kisaragi... And, since I'm the senior TURK, I'll be the one on Tseng's bad side** after we get into an argument over Gaia knows what this time..._

To Reno's surprise, the meeting was at the Seventh Heaven, a place known to Rufus and the TURKs primarily because of the proprietress, Tifa Lockheart. Cloud's childhood sweetheart, a woman with martial arts skills that rivaled even those of the TURKs. But the brunette had settled down to play bartender, secretary, and something between friend and mom for two children.  
>As soon as the door opened, aforementioned children spotted the redheaded TURK. Letting out a joyous cry of his name, the pair rushed him.<br>Rufus blinked. "They _like_ you?" he drawled. "Do they know what you do?"  
>Coughing because one of the kids had managed to get on his back and demand a piggyback ride via stranglehold, Reno said, "I told 'em... Not sure they believed me..."<br>The boy, Denzel, piped up, "But it was your job!"  
>At the counter, Tifa laughed. "So they like a TURK," she shrugged. "So what? He's not a bad guy any more, and if I can decide he's a friend, why can't they appreciate a man they adopted as an uncle? Besides," she added wryly, "it's not like Cloud knows how to play with kids."<br>_Well, he does seem to be working or moping most of the time, and from what Tifa's told me about their childhood, she was pretty much the only one he played with,_ thought Reno.  
>From there, it turned into conversation on how lives had been going between blond and brunette, while the kids mobbed their 'uncle' happily. For his part, Reno bore it with grace, even though he could so easily have dodged, disarmed, and disabled the enthusiastic duo. He was lenient with the children primarily because they weren't his responsibility and partially also because they weren't trying to work for ShinRa, especially as TURKs. Reno would have disciplined TURK trainees for less than a quarter of the misbehavior Denzel and Marlene showed, and he'd have done so with typical redheaded temper. No doubt Rude would have had to enforce moderation.<br>Reno hadn't been paying attention to the conversation, but he straightened suddenly when Rufus stood. "Boss?"  
>"We have someone waiting upstairs," said Rufus. "Elena went ahead of us, on Tifa's recommendation."<br>This, more than almost anything else, bespoke of just how much times had changed. Prior to Strife's group saving the world, no TURK under Tseng's command would have followed an AVALANCHE member's lead, much less been allowed to by Rufus ShinRa.  
>The man they were meeting sat in a chair in one of the spare rooms upstairs, smoking next to an open window. Reno sighed. <em>First Elena, and now this...<em>  
>"What took ya so long?" growled the gruff voice. It was former ShinRa employee Cid Highwind.<br>"I'm afraid that the children show an unholy delight in mobbing my TURK," drawled Rufus.  
>Cid laughed. "Yeah, well, it ain't their fault Tifa asked 'im to babysit that time."<br>This response caused Rufus' eyes to slide over to his redheaded bodyguard. One blond eyebrow rose in a silent query.  
>Reno squirmed. "I was comin' here to drink, yo! And she just-just shoved the keys in my hand, asked me to take over for her for a bit, and said to lock up if I took the kids somewhere else! What else was I supposed to do, yo?" he half whined.<br>Two pairs of eyes stared at him, one amused, the other brooding. Cid broke the silence first.  
>"Heh, she's gotta habit of doin' crazy shit like that," admitted the pilot. "Trustin' kids to former enemies, and all. Mind you, she's smarter about it than that chocobo-headed idiot she loves would be. Cloud's got less smarts." <em>More consistent kick-ass fighting ability, but he can be dumber than a rock sometimes, and Tifa just don't ever get that stupid,<em> Cid thought to himself.  
>After spending so much time with Reno, it wasn't surprising that Rufus required no translation to comprehend Cid's words and meaning. "Hm, I suppose you're right. Now, let's cut straight to the heart of the matter, shall we?" <em>I have business to attend to, and while Lockheart welcomes my TURKs with open arms, there was wariness in her eyes when she saw me.<em> It didn't cross his mind that this was because he hadn't taken the time to let her get to know him, because Rufus was primarily self-absorbed, and what attention he didn't spend on his own benefit generally saw to that of his bodyguards, the TURKs.***  
>The last living member of the ShinRa bloodline leaned forward, elbows on the table, and steepled his fingers in front of his smirk. And, as per suggestion, they cut straight to the heart of the matter...<p>

Reno rolled his eyes. If there was some way to get retribution for this, he was going to find it. This was one of the worst assignments he'd had-and besides that, he was a TURK, for Gaia's sake! _What the hell do I know about this kinda shit, yo?_ he thought to himself.  
>Rufus had bribed the employee by the fitting room to look the other way. Elena had gone in with Cid to assist the pilot in figuring out how to wear a tux-but only after assurances from both present TURKs that she wasn't interested in him.****<br>There was the _shush_ and soft _whump_ of clothing falling, a few unhappy grunts, and a loud _**thump**_. Elena's voice, chiding Cid harshly, was so familiar to Reno that he didn't have to imagine her stance. Her hands would be on her hips, head lowered with unconscious aggression, a few strands of blond hair in her face.  
>Curses were muffled by the wood, but both Reno and Rufus had gotten the gist of it and had taken to eying the door.<br>_Elena's growing into her TURK self, I see,_ noted Rufus idly.  
>Reno's thoughts were, <em>If he keeps this up, HE'LL rouse her temper, yo! Then I won't get in trouble with Tseng!<em> He had already forgotten that Tseng was displeased with him due to his actions the previous night.  
>Neither was quite prepared when the blond man, extinguished cigarette tucked behind his ear and having been stripped down to his underwear prior to being pounced on, scrabbled halfway under the fitting room door. Panic clear on his face, the pilot sputtered, "Help me, dammit! She's a psycho bitch! I ain't lettin' her near me with no damn pins!"<br>The redhead blinked in unison with Rufus. _...What?_  
>Rufus sighed. "Pins are necessary to mark what needs taken in or let out in a suit. If you refuse to allow her to pin it for the seamstress," an unruffled gaze swept over Reno, "then I'm afraid you'll have to let me. Reno's hopeless when it comes to suits."<br>Cid struggled to get free of the door, but Elena was relentless and kept swinging it into his head every time it looked like he might get free. "Tch, fine! Damn brat, anyways," he muttered. He glared at his fellow blond man, but had second thoughts about insulting him as well as Elena. "Ugh," groaned the pilot as he finally escaped the door. "My head hurts..."  
>Ruthless, Rufus let Reno chivvy Cid right back into the fitting room. This time, Elena stayed outside.<br>Of course Reno couldn't help but ask, "Why d'ya need the suit anyway, yo?"  
>The pilot grumbled to himself. "Reeve's insisting that anyone who can get away with publicly supportin' his ideas dress up an' play nice. Damn robot lover..." He rubbed a hand over the stubble on his chin. "They letcha smoke in a place like this?" he asked.<br>Rufus raised one blond eyebrow. "And let you get ash all over the suit? You don't have time to get it fitted AND dry cleaned."  
>Reno laughed. "And ya don't have time to perfect my methods, yo!"<br>"Of somehow always looking rumpled and disreputable?" drawled his boss.  
>"HEY!"<br>When the laughter started, it brought with it the growls of an angry TURK. The only benefit here was that it wasn't a life-threatening situation, so his more vengeful side didn't rear its head.

*Elena was merely the most junior TURK, so Reno would continue calling her TURKlet until some of the trainees graduated.  
>**More so than Elena, as she got her TURK training on the job as events progressed.<br>***Which, in a way, was also to his own benefit. If his bodyguards were displeased, they had access to him, numbers over him, weapons supplied by him, and of course the TURK requirements: loyalty to each other and willingness to kill.  
>****And a comment from Reno of, "Her interests lie a little closer to work." He couldn't really say "home," because Tseng didn't really have a home anymore (office, bodyguard duties at Rufus'...not really a home, because a home would have been lived in a little more) and Elena played stalker too much to be in her apartment other than to sleep. <p>


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See part one.

A/N: I do love me some WTFery. XD

WARNING: contains much WTFery, Reno moments, Tseng smiling, mature language, and yaoi references.

Picturesque: Part III

_Damn, I'm glad it's over for today!_ Reno thought fervently. He practically waltzed into ShinRa Headquarters, so thrilled was the redhead that his shift was over.  
>"Reno."<br>It was only one word. One name. But it was his name. And it was coming in a somewhat irked tone from a certain Wutaian TURK's lips.  
>"Ah..." Reno turned around, one hand rubbing the back of his head as he grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, Boss?" <em>What did I do this time, yo?<em>  
>Tseng's eyes narrowed slightly. <em>That stance...he doesn't remember why he's in trouble? I'll have to fix that.<em>  
>What he said was, "My office. Now."<br>When the raven-haired man simply turned and walked to his office, Reno knew he was in for it. _Shit, yo! How'd I piss off Boss-man this time?_ he asked himself.  
>Unfortunately, he couldn't answer his own question. So, slouching a little more dejectedly, Reno paced into his boss' office after Tseng.<br>Clearing his throat-more to ensure Reno's attention than anything else-the Wutaian spoke. "Reno, do you recall what you did last night?"  
>A puzzled frown crossed the redhead's face. He thought for a moment. "Uhh..."<br>Tseng watched, smug satisfaction hidden behind somber black eyes, as Reno paled upon remembering. "That's right. You invaded my residence, violated the respect that all TURKs should have for their comrades, and left my door unlocked when you left."*  
><em>Well, hell,<em> thought Reno. _I ain't so sure I can get myself outta trouble today, yo..._  
>While he'd never admit it, Tseng liked that Reno had a tendency of letting his every emotion cross his face when he was distracted. It was surprisingly endearing, especially from a man who could kill and butcher without batting an eyelash.<br>But as Tseng mused silently to himself, Reno focused, sharp eyes noting every slightest nuance. He saw it all, and his mind-that of a detail-oriented TURK field operative-cataloged and comprehended the view in its entirety.  
><em>He...likes me?<em>  
>Tseng, starting ever so slightly as he pulled out of his reverie, blinked at the expression on Reno's face. <em>It's a shame I don't tend to carry cameras around with me.<em> But, as the redhead was lost in his own thoughts at the moment, the Wutaian did the next best thing.  
>Reno jerked at the sound of a shutter clicking. <em>A camera?<em>  
>The only things in the room were him and Tseng, who was-<em>putting away his cell phone. Yo, he took a picture of me?<em>  
>A picture like that, with Reno staring, stupefied, at the camera, could probably have been used for blackmail or extortion, but Tseng wasn't petty. Strict, certainly-no one made it anywhere in the TURKs without being strict about something, even if it was just fighting skills-but not a soul alive or dead had ever accused Tseng of being petty.**<br>Meanwhile, Reno had fallen back into a state of revelation. _He likes me. He took a picture of me._ A nagging thought intruded. _He was hiding something. He was hiding-this? Was he hiding the fact that he likes me? Did Rude know? Does Elena? TURKlet has a crush on Boss-man. Boss liking me instead of her, that could cause problems._  
>His thoughts were well prepared to ramble on, but Tseng brought him back to the present with a pointed clearing of his throat. "Reno, what were you thinking?" The Wutaian meant when the redhead had ransacked his house, but Reno had another of his moments.<br>_Oh, shit, yo! Am I supposed to tell him I know he likes me?_ "Uh..."  
>Tseng raised one ebony eyebrow, as if to chivvy his underling's words from the typically babbling mouth. "While I admit to having all night, you will find me displeased if you persist in not answering."<br>Reno winced. "Ah, okay... It's just-you like me?"  
>Both TURKs froze, the redhead wearing a confounded expression and the Wutaian blankly disbelieving. For that one moment, neither moved.<br>Finally, Tseng managed to ask, "What?" in a somewhat strangled tone.  
>"Well, it's just-you took a picture of me with your phone." A sudden thought hit him, and suddenly his tongue was on a roll. "And there were only pics of comrades at your house, but you had that one other pic of us the day I became a full-fledged TURK."<br>It occurred to Tseng that Reno had temporarily lost his slum-beginnings accent due to excessive astonishment. He waited with a facade of implacable patience to see if Reno was going to find anything else to ambush him with.  
>"You like me, yo," stated the redhead, customary smirk flitting around the corners of his mouth. Having had his moment of shock, Reno was bouncing back the same way he did with every major change: he dove in headfirst and went searching for something chaotic.<br>Tseng blinked as Reno sauntered forward and pressed their lips together. _His cockiness is back,_ the Wutaian thought ruefully to himself.  
>"So," began the redhead, eyes twinkling with mischief as he brought his leader's mind back to the present. "Does Elena know yet, yo?"<br>"I beg your pardon?" Tseng was nothing if not confused.  
>"Told her ya like me yet? I mean-yo, didn't ya know Rude's noticed?"<br>_Leviathan,_ thought Tseng. _I know they're TURKs, same as I am, but... Since when have they been this observant?_ Calmly, he said, "Has Rude told you he noticed?"  
>"Nah, he deliberately didn't tell me," came Reno's response. "But he avoided the question, yo!"<br>Tseng sighed. _Competent people can be a real pain in my ass._  
>As they walked out of the building, done for the night, the TURK duo passed Rufus ShinRa. For once, it wasn't the redhead who made the comment and egged on the laughter.<br>"Quite an interesting picture that showed up on my monitor this evening, Tseng."  
>"Sir?"<br>"You had a lovely view in your office," drawled the blond man before walking away.  
>Reno choked and fell to the floor, inadvertently granting another gorgeous sight as he held his sides and conceded the fight, succumbing to absolute hilarity.<br>The only thought the Wutaian had as the elevator resumed its descent was, _I can live with Rude and Rufus knowing. But, Leviathan, leave Elena unaware! If she finds out..._  
>Not even Tseng could hide a smile at the mental image of Elena confronting Reno. That was a picture worth a thousand words-in this case, the words that she'd have to say to the redhead.<p>

*To Reno, it sounded like Tseng was more displeased with the fact his door had been left unlocked than because a TURK had done one of the things a TURK was trained to do (i. e.- snoop).  
>**Okay, Reno had called Tseng petty one time, but that had been an exaggeration and caused by Reno having a massively horrendous week in a month of bad days. <p>


End file.
